Anouncing the sad passing of the officership of (the former) Major Derrick Thompson

Yes it's true, and yes, I've been burning to blog about it for weeks now, but have been unable to up until this point. I guess your all wondering why this is such a big deal to me, when it is my Dad who resigned, and that seemingly doesn't really affect me. The problem is it does.

In english literature at the moment I am studying 'Wise Children' by Angela Carter, and one of the main themes is the idea of identity, and nutures role in that over nature. It just so happens that is rather true in real life. For over eighteen years my dad has been a salvation army officer, and I am his sixteen year old son. I don't know any differently. For 16 years I have been the officers son, and I know to some that isn't a great identity and to some it is a big headed identity, but that has been my identity. Somtimes it has hard to be the officers son, and not just an odrinary junior soldier, or senior, but as Mum pointed out I have loved my dad being an officer (I've not loved being an officers son necessarily). I can remember being 2/3 and siting on a bike seat behind Dad, going to the hall at shoeburyness, in those seemingly halcyon days, and other times like Dad dancing and choreographing, or doing Dramas many moons ago.

In recent years as well (apart from the past year in Dads illness) Dad has been a mentor to me a little, and has taught me a lot, mostly through my questioning, but it's Dad who I've been able to talk to as officer and Father, a relationship I've never seemed to pull off with Mum. He's also presented me with great opportunities through his work, such as being a techie for a rolling congress, and travelling from cambourne to exeter going through choruses which work to lean forward lean backwards, and doing the powerpoint for the congress extravaganza, which featured on of my greatest powerpoints I ever created. Then there's learning to speak publicly, and the support he's given me as an SA musician, and words of wisdom. He's shown me that when the going gets tough you can rise above it, and where you can be of help you should be willing to answer the call. He's taught me a wellspring of knowledge regarding the Army and religion. It may seem as I am talking as if he were dead, but all this stuff is stuff I relate to the identity. Things are going to be very different.

Am I angry at anyone in particular about it? I have been. People who caused him stress in a certain appt., people who made his childhood and youth hard, the Army for messing him about a fair bit. God, once or twice. The fact is it isn't really anyones fault in particular. Deppression is suppressed feelings, and Dad, like I do, doesn't like to show emotion, and so general things in life have led to deppression and a very public nervouse breakdown, which is why he can't go back to his corp officership.

How do I feel emotionally about it all? I don't know. My emotions have seemed to shut down on themselves. I feel like I can only cry at life, and only laugh at half truths and puns. Happiness seems a dim and distant prospect. I know things will come alright in the end.

How long will it take? How long will I have to wait? Come to me, rescue me, follow me with your love.