And so, 1 week on...

I know, I'm getting out of habit. To be honest a minute there are reasons I havn't been on this week, and one is a piece of news, which I cannot share for a few days still, but I will have a interweb breakdown on about tuesday or wednesday and it will all be good.

Another reeason is because I have had a rough old week. It has possibly been one of my worst weeks a christian for a long time. Well, I say as a christian, but this week I came very close to the borderlands. Thank you God for grace, or I wouldn't be here right now. Acctually, in the long run, this has worked out well (God is the ultimate planner) and in shakespearean terms I have come back 'with ten thousand times more rejoicing then I went forth with lamentations.' I suppose the crunch came last night. It had been a long night, which had almost ended in disaster with disagreements and stuff with friends, and it was a moment of almost completely giving up on it all. Well, I put my mp3 player on and what should be there but a song by Matt Redman called when my heart runs dry. Some of the lyrics are 'I recall the hight from which this fragile heart has slipped and I'll remember you...' How could I forget my mountain top experiences. I could I forget it was God alone who had got me to the top of those mountains (this mountains high; too high for us - Love me while you oull me over it). How could I forget the miracles. And so to the guitar and worship books. I hadn't sat down to worship on my own in a quite place for sometime. I couldn't start by singing great songs of praise and worship. There was more of a movement flowing 'I've had questions without answes. I've known sorrow I have known pain.' Which eventually became 'I will praise you; when the tears fall still I will sing to you.' This flowed into a song called the prodigal song. Funnily enough it wasn't the bit written for the prodigal which caught my heart, but the bit for the elder brother; 'Have I forgotten where I stand; taken for granted who I am: a child held in my fathers hands.' It was after then I was able to sing 'How great is our God,' and 'You are the lord - the famous one' which I always link with an arrangement I've done for the old words 'Fairest Lord Jesus, lord of all nature; O thou of God and man the son. Thee I will chrish...Thou my souls glory, joy and power.' I finnished my stumbling across a song by someone called Lara Martin called voice of hope. The opening line is 'As high as the Heavens are above the Earth, so high are your ways to mine; ways so perfect they never fail me, I know you are good all the time.' And then it hit me. Gods standerds and ways aren't just about him. They are about me and him. Its about whats healthy for me. Yes, I know this is sunday school answer stuff, but there is a difference between knowlegde and understanding. It hit me. And it also hit me that somtimes the things that seem to suck are Gods ways which are acctually what is best. Well anyway, since last night I have had a rock and roll day. I know it hasn't been my best on my 'christianomiter,' but the foundation stones which had sliped where there. I woke up, and prayer thank you God I have a really nice bed to sleep on, and as I stood not knowing what to have for breakfast I prayed thank you God that I have so much choice of food. Basic things like this really matter and make a difference.

I know I am going through an ultra tricky time, but I know if I can't keep my relationship with God really ablaze and lean on him, a little like Job, that I will be able to pull through.

'You are the voice of hope; the anchor of my soul.
Where there seems to be no way you make it possible.
You are the prince of peace admist adversity.
My lips will shout for joy to you the most high.'

It's also worth mentioning now, with 8 minutes untill tomorrow becomes today that I am very sad I can't be with my Salvation Army Divisional (regional) youth band dudes in Barnstable tomorrow. Nothing would bring me more joy then to glorify God with such an amazing fellowship of people. I pray with all my heart they will not forget who they do it for, and that they won't become hooked on right notes but would rather become hookedon right attitudes to worshiping our super cool saviour/father/friend. If any of the guys catch this at anytime, I sincerely pray you feel the same way as I do, and God will really be with you all tomorrow.

Just finally I notice somtimes I can type a way and seem a little condiscending, or talking in a 'holier then thou' way. That's not how I want to come accross and to do so is totally wrong, so I'm sorry and if I start to seem like I'm rising myself up above everyone else please drag me to the ground. I don't want to have a major falling out with someone as I almost did yesterday which would lead to any explosion (metaphorically).

Anyway 'Wherever you may go, the generosity of our Boss, Jesus the Liberator, rub off on you.'