In today's news...

Right so today I'm going to talk you through certain things from today and see how it rolls from there.

So usualish sunday routine as always: alarm clock goes, I hit the snooze button (times 3), drag myself out of bed, shower, shave, breakfast. So we have hit the point of breakfast. I'm eating my breakfast and I turn my laptop on, just to see if anyone interesting has emailed me, or if anyone has been bothered to add a coment (I like comments - makes me feel less ignored!). Well, for some reason I find myself on the Nooma website. Just to fill in the gaps for people reading this who don't know what Nooma is, Nooma is a series of DVDs by an american precher called Rob Bell, who is fantastic, and wonderfully normal. Well anyway, I decided to watch the first in the series which you can watch online for free, which is called rain. So I watched and ate. Well, anyway, Rain is all about the hard times in life, you know the times when life seems all dark and gloomy and it isn't going to get any better, but God is with us through it. As you can imagine, at this time in life it is like balm to the soul to watch, because it does admit 'Yes, there are times in life when it's hard, and yes, sometimes we can't see past the situations we are in, and yes, it happens to all of us.' Well anyway, Rob Bell said somthing that really did stike a chord. He was saying how Jesus told the story about the wise man and the rock and foolish man and the sand, but the point was Jesus didn't say to the Jews 'If the storms of life come,' he said 'When the storms of life come.' Jesus acctually understands life does have its difficulties. Jesus knew what he was tlaking about, he knew the pain, he knew lifes turmoils. Jesus had grown up. Jesus had been a teenager like me, and from what I can tell from the Bible, yes my dad isn't the same because of depression, but Jesus acctually lost his earthly father by the time he was thirty. What a thought.

Well, today was harvest sunday, and as far as harvest sundays go it was quite good acctually. However, as I went through the usual bandsmen motions, I did find myself asking who I was playing for. I'm sorry to say this isn't a new question. I am quite concerened about this, and I do find myself wondering whether I should step back from staple hill SA and bands and songsters and all that to asses my worship. I suppose what Adam Moran did when he was living in Exeter at a time when I was, was go to different churches regurlary (or however you spell it), and join in fully with worship, and get fed that way. I suppose my problem is, yes, my mum is the active oficer, and yes my dad is the officer who is off sick, and so as a member of the group of people I am not individually Ben who has come to worship as an individual human being, but as the Ben, whose parents are the officers, but isn't it sad about his father, and in worship this can be distracting. I end up lossing track of worship, becoming more concerened with what other people think of me. The obvious solution would be to up and move to kingswood/citadel/pill/knowle/easton, but I believe God has put me in staple hill for a reason. I just pray things will sort themselves out before too long.

So that brings me to this point. At this very moment there is a large booze up 6th form party happening down the road in kingswood. I'm not there for two reasons: 1. lack of funds, and 2. I'm too scared. Don't getme wrong, I do enjoy partying away with friends and dancing and singing, and I really enjoyed my school prom, which was alcohol free, but I don't know I am ready to walk into the middle of a room of drunk teenages, and say 'I don't drink.' I don't know I can tolerate the behaviour, both in the form of violence, or the sexual behaviour, with drunk boys groping girls etc etc. The problem is if I am not able to go in to one place like this, how am I going to cope with life? Is this all because I am watching my friends destroy themselves publically? I dunno. Maybe I'll have to try and go to the next one and see...